On the occasion that I had the opportunity to present on the topic of Wellbeing and Meditation, I would like to record some of my reflections from that talk. All of these stem from my own contemplation and personal experience.
1. What is Quality of Life?
When this question is asked, each of us has our own way of thinking, comparing, reflecting, and distilling it into our own set of criteria—ones that fit us, or match our aspirations. For me, it is being content with what I have, maintaining a tranquil mind, living a life that is light and free from competition, remaining undisturbed in the face of turmoil, not worrying excessively or thinking too far ahead, and especially, being free from craving and attachment.
2. What are the obstacles?
So, what has been — and is — preventing us from attaining (or maintaining) such a life? There are many. So many. Let’s try asking ourselves:
+ How many meetings, gatherings, visits do we have to attend each day? Almost every day is packed with such encounters. Then we constantly think: There’s just never enough time.
+ How many things must be completed today? And so, we push ourselves into feelings of tension and pressure.
+ Have we ever observed the sensation of our blood boiling inside when someone upsets or angers us? How far does it rise? Where does it choke up? When does it subside?
+ Are there dark corners within our soul that we never want anyone to discover? That persistent feeling of worry and insecurity is always present.
+ Are we aware of those sensitive spots in our soul and character, that—whenever touched even slightly (by anyone)—can flare up into greed, anger, ignorance, or even worse? Each time that happens, a sense of helplessness returns.
+ Have we ever felt regret? And regretted the very same mistake that we've committed—not just once, but many times? That feeling of hopelessness floods in again.
+ Have we ever felt empty—even just after attending a party? That vague sense of wastefulness and aimlessness arises.
+ Have we ever been anxious or worried that someone might (accidentally) scratch our newly bought car? Or that our brand-new shoes might get dirty? That uneasy feeling just clings on.
+ Have we ever felt jealous of another person’s success? The weight of uselessness and inferiority bears down on us.
+ Have we ever laughed at someone else’s failure? That elated sense of arrogance, pride, and superiority hovers over us.
And many more things still…All of these, when taken together, are concrete, real obstacles within ourselves that prevent us from finding peace and happiness.
3. Establishing the path
Let’s ask: what is the root cause? There’s a stock phrase almost everyone has memorized: the Karma of Greed, Karma of Anger, and Karma of Delusion. Easy! Just grab the vine of Greed and just snip it clean. Catch that raging Anger and douse it with water. And turn on the light, fling open the windows to let sunlight shine on that Delusion. Hehe, well—those things, only the hardcore bounty-hunter type (i.e., the real tough ones) can pull off. Ordinary folks like us mostly just say: "Yeah, I give up. Karma is karma. What can we do? Nothing. No point trying to fix it because it can’t be fixed. Might as well enjoy life while it lasts, take what we can get. Let the future deal with itself. We just pray that in our next life, we’ll be reborn properly… and then we’ll practice." But even that line of thinking already has problems! And so it goes—next life, same thing. And so on.
A more constructive approach would be this: If the root is too big, too massive, too sturdy for us to uproot or chop down right now, then let’s start by trimming some of its smaller branches. Gradually work inward over time. Like the diligent bee, like the ant that fills its nest through persistent carrying. Once we’ve decided to tackle things bit by bit, the next question is: Where are the children, the distant cousins of Greed, Anger, and Delusion hiding? Well—just look at our daily lives and we’ll see them clearly: the food and drinks we consume, the clothes we wear, the flood of information (TV, web, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, etc.) we feed into our heads, and the social ‘relationships’ we feel we must maintain. All of these, if we think carefully, come together to form the spinning wheel of our lives. And it just keeps spinning. To influence it—to redirect it, to change it, to break it—is not easy. But it’s not impossible either.
4. So, what is the strategy?
(1) Mental preparation
Firmly establish the following:
+ The journey to change and elevate the quality of our life will be a slow (but steady and orderly) and long-term process.
+ Hardships, difficulties, and obstacles will be everywhere—within ourselves (due to our nature and habits), and outside (from family, friends, and loved ones). From above (storms, tempests) as well as from below (floods, earthquakes).
+ There’s no such thing as rushing or being in a hurry. Nothing changes overnight. Don’t go looking for any ‘miracle cures’ to heal (mental) afflictions instantly.
+ Patience and perseverance are of the utmost importance.
+ Eliminate from our vocabulary words like “give up,” “surrender,” “admit defeat,” etc.
+ Failure should be calmly acknowledged, lessons drawn from it, and efforts made to correct it with even greater determination.
(2) Outer adjustments: “Sip the hot porridge around the edge”
Once we’ve set our mindset on a “long-term resistance,” it’s time to consider: which enemy should we strike first? Pick the weak, small ones and hit them first. But also check if those small ones are being protected by any big, strong backers—because if they are, then attacking the small ones won’t do much good. In general, there are two ways to go about these guerrilla attacks: (i) intercepting at the root (the cause) or the triggering factors (stimuli); and/or (ii) preparing how we receive the consequences or how we react (response) to the stimuli.
Specifically, among the food and drinks we consume daily, are there things that are unnecessary and easiest to give up? And if we’re going to give them up, how exactly should we go about it? For instance, I used to eat a lot—pushing myself to eat more and continuing to snack after meals. Eating a lot leads to excreting a lot, which just shows the body only needs a certain amount of nutrients. When we overconsume, the excess becomes waste, and we have to expend energy just to get rid of it. Looking more closely, I noticed that when I sat down for a meal, I would immediately go for the rice and meat first, only eating the soup and vegetables afterward. That’s a habit—and also because I was hungry. So, my reaction to hunger was to eat 5–6 bowls of rice per meal. Every time I stood up from the table, my stomach would be bloated. I decided to change the way I approached meals: Start with vegetables and soup first, so the stomach isn’t hungry anymore, then just a little meat and one bowl of rice. Then finish with fruit and immediately go brush my teeth to remove the lingering taste of food. Because I know that if I haven’t brushed my teeth yet, I can still eat more. Once I brush them, it puts a little barrier—because I don’t want to brush again. Also, after brushing, I avoid going back into the kitchen, because the smells, or seeing sweets, can trigger cravings. Sitting down at my desk helps distract me from food. All of this is aimed at removing those stimuli that spark the urge to eat more.
Drinks are the same. With beer and alcohol—quit or reduce them wherever we can. Clothing is perhaps the easiest, because by nature I’m not someone who’s into dressing up. It’s been years since I bought anything new. Occasionally, I might buy a second-hand shirt. Wearing stuff like that doesn’t kill anyone. As long as I’m not dirty or smelly, wearing a few old clothes is fine.
Habits like watching the news, TV, movies, comedy shows, etc., are probably hard—if not very hard—to give up. There’s always something entertaining to watch, anytime, anywhere. And with a laptop in hand, consuming information is even easier—discreet too (e.g., watching adult films). But these passive forms of information intake pose a real obstacle to our determination to transform and elevate ourselves. Just like with food and drink, we have to think carefully: which ones are easiest to give up? Give those up first, then gradually reduce the harder ones—step by step. As for men, especially unmarried ones, don’t expect to immediately stop the habit of 'self-pleasuring.' Doing that would only create too much pressure on the current psychological and physiological state, causing it to become unbalanced too quickly. In that way, we won’t be able to quit but will be left with regret (after each time) and feel even more insecure. Live healthily. Reduce bit by bit those things. Whether we can bring it down to zero—I don’t know—because I’m married and still engage in marital intimacy. Ultimately, that’s a normal biological need of human beings. Just don’t go overboard, misuse it, or stray beyond the bounds.
As for relationships—interactions within the family and society—they should follow the same principle: from easy to difficult, block the stimulus and/or choose how to respond to it. Also, during this self-adjustment process, we should cultivate good habits or strengthen the positive aspects already within us. We should also seek out allies: people who understand us and support us in our upward journey. “Hot porridge must be sipped around the edge”—so don’t go gulping it down all at once—we’ll get burned. Try to understand our inner self and work with it.
(3) Internal cultivation: Breathing practice and meditation
No one can practice meditation when their life's rhythm is chaotic day and night. The efforts towards self-improvement mentioned in part (2) above help us prepare well for meditation practice: self-improvement from within. Only when inner cultivation and external adjustments coordinate harmoniously can we hope to affect that spinning wheel of life, steering it toward a better direction. Meditation practice and its techniques have already been much discussed and clearly explained, so I won’t repeat them here. What I want to touch on is something often overlooked: breathing practice. Belly breathing (also called Baby Breath) is incredibly effective in suppressing and dissolving anger. Only those who have trained and made belly breathing their default, natural breath—at all times, in all situations—can appreciate its value. This form of breathing was mentioned by Master Tibu: inhale through the nose (yang), store the breath in the belly (yin), and then exhale in the reverse direction. This method not only aligns with the yin-yang principles but also enriches the breath, providing great benefits for health. From my personal experience, this breathing technique relaxes the muscles and tissues and is remarkably effective in reducing tension and calming anger.[1].
In short, to live kindly, gently, righteously, simply, and to cultivate well is a long and difficult process—full of stumbles and falls, and a wide range of emotional and psychological challenges. To achieve anything on this path of spiritual elevation requires tremendous effort: patience and perseverance. Moreover, we need a plan—no matter how modest—to understand the issues we’re facing, to think about how to resolve them, and to figure out a suitable step-by-step process that fits who we are and our specific circumstances. Make a plan, carry it out, adjust it, implement it again, refine it, and so on. Without this, if we just push ourselves to meditate blindly, it (might) not help much at all. After all, meditation may only take up an hour or so each day, while life continues to flow relentlessly during all the remaining hours. As for myself, I’ve had some strokes of luck—but what still needs to be done, what must still be fought for—is far too much to recount.
nbt
Notes: